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chibifukurouTitle: Searching For Home
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
chibifukurou
Artists:synnovu and solara1357
Series: Star Trek: The Original Series
Characters/Pairings: Amanda/Sarek; Spock
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Separation of a married couple; Xenophobia
Word Count: 15,000
Summary: I had always loved Vulcan better than Earth, but there are certain things I couldn't accept and the Vulcan prejudices against my son was simple illogical and unforgivable. My son deserved a home where he could be loved and accepted and I would do everything in my power to make sure he found such a place.
Even if it meant leaving the man and the world I loved behind and traveling to Earth to become a Alien Languages Teacher in Riverside, Iowa.
Notes: Betaed by the lovelysesh_khem
Link to fic: Part 1 | Part 2 | Ao3
Link to art: classic trek bb: art
Link to art:
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Searching for Home
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My hand stung. A spot of green and yellow bloomed on Sarek's cheek. He stared at me, eyes like black holes. Full of disappointment and accusations. The only sign that our conversation was causing him emotional distress. His voice remained disturbingly calm. "Why did you strike me?"
I didn't answer him directly, too angry and upset. I lacked the Vulcan calm that allowed him to remain in control. I almost reached out to slap him again, unsure how else to work off my anger. How dare he even imply… "How dare you!" I hissed, voice shaking. The only reason I didn't indulge my all too human emotions and start screaming, was because I didn't want to wake Spock. It had taken me almost an hour of bedtime stories and rocking to get him to sleep.
Sarek shifted away from me. Probably able to tell that I wanted to hit him again. If nothing else our bond had to be making my rage clear. Still he was stubborn. One of the things I loved and hated about him most. "It is logical."
Logic! I should have known. I normally did my best to respect logic. But this. It made stomach turn.
"He cannot follow the path set out for him."
"Then let him forge his own path."
"I must have an heir," Not so much as a tremor in his voice to show that he acknowledge my disgust with the entire situation.
"He's our son!"
"He is flawed."
"That shouldn't matter. He is our beautiful baby." I could still remember the absolute joy I'd had the first time I held him in my arms. Ten perfect toes, ten perfect fingers, and a pair of tiny, pointed ears.
"It does matter. He is already months behind his peers."
"He's only four earth years old. It's too early to say that he won't be able to catch up. Just because he's different, that doesn't mean he needs to be replaced."
He moved closer to me then, gripping my shoulders with his strong hands. The closest he'd ever been able to come to giving me a human hug. His voice was soft, almost consoling. "Not replaced. Just given a brother"
"A brother who you want to take his place." A sibling would be good for him, but not under these circumstances. "I won't do it."
"Amanda."
Shrugging out of his grip, I said. "No!"
"You must see the logic in what I'm purposing."
I did, but seeing the logic didn't make feel better. In most things I was willing to bow to the Vulcan way, but not in this. Not if the end result was bringing another child into the world, not because we wanted him with all our hearts, but because we needed someone to take the place of Spock. It wouldn't be fair to either child. Sarek wouldn't understand my reasoning though, so I tried to give him a logical reason to give up the idea of having another child. "What if the second child is the same as Spock. There is a very large possibility that Spock's differences are caused by his human ancestry. And even if we knew for sure that our next child would be more Vulcan than Spock, your next fertility cycle is one and a half R'tas away."
Sarek wouldn't meet my eyes. I shouldn't have been as surprised as I was that he had already considered that possibility. "We will go to the Science Academy and ask for assistance from their geneticists. There are historical records of Vulcans and humans mating, surely there are also records of how their children were altered to allow their Vulcan genetics to become dominant and they will be able to combine our DNA to create a child without having to wait until my Pon'far."
"Absolutely not!" While I understood the need to involve the Academy if we didn't want to wait another four Earth years to have a child. "When we decided to have children you assured me that you would allow me to have them as naturally as possible."
"I did. That agreement is now null. It was made when I believed that a natural birth would not negatively impact our children. Now that we know better, I must insist that we take the proper precautions."
"No, I won't have my child put through that."
"Amanda, the child will be a fetus. It will not know what has happened."
"How do you know that they won't. Human fetuses bond with their mother, I can only assume that the same holds true for Vulcan fetuses. I won't let my child be created and incubated in some Science Institute vat." The thought of how lonely our child would be, made me want to cry.
Sarek pulled me into his arms, he must have sensed my upset. "We are much more advanced here than they are on Earth. Just because he will not be growing inside you, that doesn't mean that the two of you will not bond. I swear to you, if I thought that being born artificially would harm our child, or take away his ability to bond with you, I would not suggest it."
"I'm sorry. I know that you would love our child as much as I would, but…"
"You are human, my wife. I knew this when I married you. It would be foolish of me to blame you for acting as any human would to the idea of having another bear their child. I understand that in humans, the bond between mother and child is usually formed while the child is developing." He pressed his hand to my cheek. It wasn't in the meld position, but it was close enough that I could feel the light touch of his calm mind against mine. "Our child will be half-Vulcan. While some bonding happens during the fetus' development, the majority happens after birth."
Pressing my cheek against his palm, I relaxed into his arms. "I will think about having our next child with the help of the Academy, but I still don't think we should have a child right now. Not when Spock is still so young."
"Do you truly believe he will grow out of his differences?"
There was no way to know if that was a rhetorical statement, or if my husband truly wanted my opinion as a human. "I don't know. There are a number of developmental disorders prevalent in human children. It is possible that he is suffering from one of them, but it is equally possible that he is simply a human child among Vulcans."
"What do you mean by that?"
"Human children are not born with an ability to understand logic. That comes with age."
"You believe that he is simply too young to understand Sarek's teachings?"
"It seems as likely as there being a more serious cause for his differences. Humans don't start to think logically until they are four of five."
"You wish to wait on having another child, in order to see if Spock is able to understand the teachings of Sarek once he has reached the human age of logic."
I nodded, feeling the soft pads of his fingertips rub against my cheek.
"I understand the logic of your argument, but I cannot agree to wait for such a time."
"Why not?"
"Spock is over one R'tas old. He is expected to take his place among the acolytes in the next few months.
His teachers believe that he will be unable to fulfill this duty, and should be held back with the children of the next R'tas. I would lose all face if I made one who failed to become an acolyte my heir."
It was hard to believe the pressures they would put on a child who was barely one Vulcan year old. "If all you care about is losing face then I see no reason to agree with your suggestion that we have another child. I would prefer to wait until your next fertile cycle. By that time we will know if Spock simply needed more time to mature, or if there is a need to have our next child created through artificial means."
He moved his hand away from my cheek, back to my shoulder, and began shaking me slightly. "It is my reputation that allowed us to be married in the first place. If they think that I would pick you over my commitment to the Vulcan council, they could force me to send you and Spock away."
My anger at his callous discussion of having another child melted away. While his voice and expression had not changed, I knew him well enough to know what he was not saying. He wished me to have another child so that he would not have to lose me, or our son. I pressed a human kiss to his cheek, where there was still a slight, red imprint from where I had slapped him. "I'm sorry my husband, I hadn't realized that the council had reacted so poorly to Spock's differences."
While his posture remained firm for a human, I could see his body relax infinitesimally. "I am sorry that I did not make the consequences more clear to you."
"It is fine." I wrapped my hand around his. "I promise that I will think about having another child, but I have to put Spock's needs first. It is my duty as his mother."
He nodded gravely. "I will try to be patient. In return you must understand that it might become necessary to have another child in order to protect him."
I nodded. "I promise that I will take the possibility into consideration when I am contemplating all the ways to help Spock."
"That is all I can ask, my wife." He didn't smile but I could see the softness in his eyes. He hated our fights as much as I did.
"Come, Sarek, let's go to bed. This discussion has exhausted me."
He bowed slightly, in agreement and I used my grip on his hand to pull him towards our bedroom. We slipped into bed together and I curled up on his chest and listened to his strong heartbeat as it slowed and his breath eased. He wouldn't stay asleep for long, but I planned to use his rest to my advantage.
Pressing a kiss to his cheek, I slipped out of the bed, wrapping the blankets around him to keep the warm night air out and the shared heat of our bodies in. I walked on bare feet through the house, quiet and calm in the darkness of night. The soft moonlight my only guide through the familiar rooms and hallways.
It was even darker in Spock's room, thanks to the curtains I'd put up over his window. Sarek had stared at me like he thought I was being completely illogical when I'd put them up. But I hadn't been able to shake the human tradition of putting up curtains in the nursery so that the child could nap at any time of the day.
Admittedly Spock had stopped sleeping through the day within the first month but I still found them comforting. So I had left them. Spock had never seemed to mind, particularly after I'd shown him how he could make a fort with the curtains and the rocking chair from his nursery.
He was very much his father's son, no matter what Sarek or the Vulcan elders thought. He was always happiest when things were logical and he had time to sit quietly and think things through rationally. I'd often seen him watching Sarek meditate with large, adoring eyes and trying to imitate his father's calm. He'd even started to spurn my touch in an attempt to be more like his father.
I missed holding him, but I understood the Vulcan way of things better than almost any other human. If our son wanted to concentrate on his Vulcan blood then I had planned to allow him that choice. Now though it looked like that might not be an option. I would not ask Sarek to give up more than he already had in order to keep Spock safe. But at the same time Spock had to be my priority.
My husband probably hadn't thought of it yet. Logical he might be, but his conviction to keep me by his side was that of a bondmate refusing to be parted from the most important person in their life. I was different. Human. I understood that leaving the person you loved didn't have to mean that you stopped loving them. It just meant that other things were more important than your love. If it came down to it, I would do what was necessary.
But it wouldn't be my first choice.
I struck a match and lit the candle that sat on Spock's dresser. The dish of incense sitting above the candle began to heat and the scent of Vulcan spice filled the room. The soft candle light was enough to see Spock by. He was sprawled out in his small, pod-like bed. Wrapped in the gray woolen nightshirt I'd knit for him. His tiny Sehlat plushy clutched in his hand.
My body relaxed without a thought. This was right, seeing my son so relaxed and happy. I sat down on the mattress beside him, running my fingers through his fine hair and around the tiny point of his ear. He cuddled closer to my body heat. As much as I appreciated the Vulcan's logical way of doing things, I still loved the few moments when my son acted like a human child who needed his mother's touch.
Pressing my lips to his hot forehead, I closed my eyes and prayed a soft prayer that we would find a way to help Spock become the heir Sarek needed. I would do whatever it took to take care of my son, but I was selfish enough to hope that there was a way for us to stay with Sarek.
I had never been as happy on Earth as I was on Vulcan.
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When I'd been a little girl, stuck sitting on the bench outside of the principal's office, more often then I cared to remember, I'd thought that things had to be easier for my parents. All they had to do was come in, complain about how ill behaved I was, and take me home.
It was funny how these things changed when you were the parent. My mother always used to say that she hoped I had a child just like me. That at least hadn't worked out, Spock was much more well-behaved then I had been, but I still ended up spending a good amount of time in the principal's office. Though personally I thought that had more to do with the Vulcan's version of propriety than any misbehavior on Spock's part.
He was waiting for me on the bench outside of his teacher's office. I patted his shoulders softly before I went in.
Teacher T'pren was busy writing in a journal when I entered the office. It was an obvious tactic to make it clear that I was not her priority, but I didn't really care. I sat down in the chair in front of her desk and waited patiently. She had another thing coming if she thought that I'd get upset by such a simple tactic. I'd been a teacher myself before I had met Sarek and I had only become more patient since then.
It only took ten minutes of staring at her intently and radiating negative thoughts for her to stop ignoring me. I'd learned quickly that most Vulcans weren't experienced enough with human emotions to withstand them for long.
"Wife of Sarek, I had hoped that after out last meeting you would see to it that Spock was better prepared for this week's lessons and how to properly handle his reaction to failure. "
"What is it you think I should do? I spoke to him about allowing failure to cause him to react in an emotional manner. He seemed to have embraced the idea."
She frowned at me. "It is not that simple. In addition to remaining calm and in control. He also needs to use his failure to encourage himself to succeed."
"He has never disappointed with me with his grades."
She crossed her hands on top of the desk. "I don't believe you understand the way we Vulcans handle matters of childhood learning."
"Then perhaps you should stop calling me into the office for discussions, and start explaining what it is you want me to do for Spock. It does not strike me as logical that you would be so secretive about this."
"I had hoped that your husband would explain this to you." She pinched her mouth into a thin line.
"He has not yet felt the need discuss this matter with me." We had agreed that Spock would primarily be my responsibility.
"Very well, I will explain. Though it is truly not my place. You son is failing to think through his schoolwork logically."
"Logically?" Surely she couldn't mean what it sounded like she meant. They couldn't possibly be judging Spock because he failed to solve the problems they assigned him logically.
"That is correct. He follows no logical method to solve his problems, instead relies on instinct and supposition. It is most inappropriate and disturbing."
"You are judging him because he uses a different manner of thinking to solve the problems you've assigned him."
"That is correct."
"Why?" It was hardly unusual for a student to think differently than the other students.
"I understand that you are a human and thus do not fully understand the ways of Vulcan culture but surely you can understand that it is imperative that all Vulcan children be taught and learn in the same manner in order to ensure the most cohesive society possible. If everyone was allowed to think as they wished," Teacher T'pren could quite suppress her shudder, "it would result in chaos."
"I disagree. You are being illogical, expecting a half-human child to think in the same manner as a full Vulcan. The biological differences alone would indicate a distinction between his way of thinking and that of his peers. As an educator of your standing should well know."
"While that might be the case, when you married, your husband assured the council that you would be able to provide the proper, logical environment for any children you would have. If they feel that you have failed in this task, there will be consequences."
So this was what Sarek had been talking about. "I see." I stood up, without waiting to be dismissed. T'pren stared at me. Most likely wondering if I was going to show my illogical human nature and throw a fit. While I was feeling extremely, illogically, justifiably angry, I knew better than to show such weakness. "Thank you for your patience, Teacher T'pren. I am grateful for your explanation. I will discuss this matter with my husband and son."
She nodded sharply. She might not be happy with my abrupt departure, but she couldn't say anything against my decision as long as I handled things properly.
I nodded in reply and left her office. Spock was still sitting on the bench next to the door, his hands folded in his lap and his legs slowly swinging back and forth.
"Come on dear, let's go home."
"Has Teacher T'pren finished speaking with you?"
"Yes, for now, but your father and I will have some things to discuss when he returns home." I held my hand out to him. "Come on, sweetheart, let’s head home."
I kept my stride short and steady so that Spock and I could leave the school together and with as much dignity as was possible under the circumstances.
I was able to relax a bit, once we left the school and walked around to the side of the large building so that we were standing in the long, dark shadow of the academy, out of sight from anyone passing by. Spock moved closer to my side and grabbed my hand. "I'm sorry I upset Teacher, Mom."
"It's alright, my son." I smiled down at him, just happy that he was willing to call me Mom instead of Mother, or even worse, Amanda. "There was nothing you could have done to keep Teacher T'pren from calling me in.
"Why not?"
I didn't feel the need to lie, even if would have been easier. While I wasn't above bending the truth, one of the traits that I loved about Vulcan's was their inability to lie. It hurt me to know that T'pren was judging Spock harshly because she didn't approve of his half-human status and didn't like how I was raising him. But I was still glad to know what she truly thought of me. There was little I valued above honesty. "She doesn’t approve of your father's relationship with me and she feels that it is having a negative impact on your schooling."
"Oh," He let go of my hand and stared down at his shoes.
He didn't need to say any more than that. I was his mother; I knew what he was thinking. I kneeled down so that I was on the same level as him. Reaching out I grabbed his chin and lifted his head so that our eyes met. "I don't mind that your different, or if Teacher T'pren doesn't like me. It's worth it to have you in my life."
"I should be like the other children."
"Only if you want to be the same as them, dear."
"But all Vulcans are supposed to be the same." His voice cracked and if he'd been a fully human child he'd have been sobbing.
I couldn't keep myself from wrapping him up in a hug. "You're not Vulcan sweetheart, you're something different, and you should never have to deny that."
"Bu—but…"
"I will love you just as much if you act like a human or if you act like a Vulcan. I can promise you that." I said, pressing our foreheads together. "Now it's time we headed home. Do you want to walk or do you want to use the carrier?"
He thought about it for a few moments."Carrier."
Smiling, I started unfolding the carrier from where I'd stored it in my purse. Much like the hand holding when I came to pick Spock up from school, the carrier was a good way for Spock to gain comfort in my presence without violating the Vulcan sense of propriety. Admittedly I'd gotten a few odd looks when people had first seen me walking about with Spock in a sling on my back, but it hadn't taken long for them to see the logic in it.
As a human female. I had a third of their strength and was at least a foot shorter than the average Vulcan female, it made sense for me to find an alternate way to carry my child. One that would not cause harm to my fragile human body. The sling also had the positive affect of allowing Spock to have full body contact with me, a boon when he was upset and there was no Other acceptable way for me to initiate physical contact so that he could gain comfort through his touch telepathy.
Once I had the carrier tied around my waist, I bent down so that Spock could climb onto my back. His strong little fingers dug into one of my shoulders so that he could stay in place without me holding him up, and he had a hand free to help me tie the shoulder harness. By this point both of us were old hands at getting him strapped in.
Once everything was situated properly, the two of us headed home. Nobody looked twice when we came out from the hidden area behind the building and joined the bustling traffic of Academy complex. By this point everyone was used to having me around and ignoring my eccentricities.
Which was good, because I wasn't in the mood to explain myself, not when my mind was still back in that classroom with T'pren. I'd heard what she hadn't said. Spock wasn't going to be allowed to advance, and they considered his failure a direct result of his mixed heritage.
I wasn't like Sarek, I didn't understand all of the eccentricities involved in Vulcan politics, but I understood enough. Sarek was only allowed to have a human bond mate because it was politically advantageous. If he lost his position due to his lack of an heir, then his family would insist that he joined with another bond mate.
He would refuse, because he loved me, and then we'd both loose our place on Vulcan. That was unacceptable and Sarek had to know that. So I'd have to make the hard decision for him.
I was going to have to do what was right for my family and go back to Earth. Then maybe someday, once Sarek had the heir he needed, we could be together as a family again.
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I had a hard time sorting through my things and pick what I wanted to take with me to Earth. Every item in Sarek and my bedroom, held a memory of our time together. More than once I considered changing my mind. Reminded of the love Sarek and I had shared in our youth. The promises we made to each other.
But I wasn't a young woman anymore. I was a mother and no matter how painful the separation was going to be I couldn't give in. Not if Spock was my priority.
The night after my disastrous meeting with T'pren, I sent my resume in to a job matching service back on Earth.
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It took less time than I'd expected for me to find a position on Earth. Admittedly a posting in Riverside, Iowa didn't sound ideal. But things had only been getting more tense as the end of Spock's first year at school drew nearer and I was ready to leave.
The day after I heard that I'd gotten the job, I sat down with Spock and explained that we were going to go live on my home planet for a while.
Smart little boy that he was, he immediately connected our move with his instructors' decision to hold him back. It broke my heart when he asked. "Is this my fault?"
I'd sworn to him that it wasn't, but I don't think he believed me and there wasn't really anything that I could say to the contrary. It wasn't his fault, but he was the cause. As far as Vulcans were concerned there wasn't much difference between those two concepts.
We packed our most prized possessions, clothes, and essentials up and loaded them into the small hand cart I used when I went shopping at the market. I don't think Spock said more than a dozen words to me throughout the entire process but I'd run out of words to comfort him.
Before we left the house for the last time, I put the letter I'd written to Sarek, explaining what I had done, on the pillows of our shared bed. It felt meaningful leaving it there even if all I was really doing was delaying the inevitable and making so that I didn't have to see his face when he read my Dear John letter.
It was easy enough to get through the security checks at the Space Port. Nobody asked me why I was leaving or tried to convince me to stay. I wasn't surprised, though it bothered me more than it should have. I was leaving Vulcan because I couldn't put up with their contempt for humans, and yet I still wanted someone to defend or support me.
Honestly, I think I was just looking for an excuse to stay. But none came.
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Spock at least cheered up almost as soon as the shuttle left Vulcan. He watched wide-eyed as Vulcan fell away behind us and we were surrounded by stars. I don't think he even blinked until the ship went into Warp almost three hours after we launched.
I wasn't as lucky. I'd never been a big fan of tight spaces, and while I didn't expect anything to go wrong I still found myself clutching at my seat arms whenever the ship shook or jolted unexpectedly. It was easier once we got into hyperspace and we were able to get out of our seats and move into the sleeping quarters.
If there was one thing I was sure of it was that it was going to be a long trip to Earth.
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An old beat up hover truck pulled up in front of us. Spock moved closer to me, until he was practically hiding behind my skirt. I couldn't say that I blamed him. Growing up on Earth, I was used to loud, clunky hover vehicles, but more than six years on Vulcan made the growling roar of the engine seem foreign and a little threatening.
With his sensitive ears and Vulcan upbringing, hover vehicles were almost as far outside of Spock's norm as you could get. Unfortunately, his culture shock was only going to get worse. Humans were a loud, , and emotional race. I just prayed that Spock would be able to deal with the inevitable emotional overload.
A young man, at least by human standards, hopped out of the truck. Good looking, with a wide smile and dark, windswept hair, he'd have been just the type of man I was attracted to in my youth. Now though I just noticed how his forehead was oddly shaped. And how unusual it seemed the way his eyebrows curved around his ocular crest. Funny what marriage and a good number of years on an alien planet could change the way you saw things.
The truck driver approached me, his hand held out to shake mine, and a boyish smile stretched across his face."Mrs. Grayson, I presume?"
"Ms. Grayson." I corrected, pointedly ignoring his outstretched hand. It would have been more correct by human standards to have him use Sarek's name, but I was after a new start and Vulcans didn't encourage spouses to share names.
He chuckled and rubbed at the back of his neck and head, in what was probably supposed to look like a sheepish gesture. I didn't fall for it, knowing what I did about deliberately projecting the appearance of emotions through body language. It one of Sarek and my favorite things to discuss when we'd started dating.
"Well Ms. Grayson then, if you're ready I'm here to take to where you'll be staying."
"And your name?" Taking a page out of Sarek's book, I raised a questioning eyebrow.
"George Kirk, ma'am."
Reaching behind me, I snagged Spock's shoulder. I used the grip to guide him out to stand beside me. "And this is my son, Spock."
They stared at each other. Both seemingly shocked to run into someone with such alien features. Spock had never seemed to understand that most humans looked like me. And while I recognized George Kirk's name from when he'd worked for Star Fleet, I doubted he'd had much experience with alien races in small-town Iowa.
Spock recovered from the surprise first, giving Mr. Kirk a solemn bow. He hurried to reciprocate; now at least he looked honestly sheepish. A slight blush high on his cheeks. I decided to interfere before things became any more awkward. "You said you'd be taking us to wear we'd be staying."
"Um, yeah—of course. Are these all of your bags?" He pointed at the duffle bag and the pair of hard-case suitcases clustered around our feet.
"Those, and our backpacks."
"Well then I'll get them loaded up in the back of my truck, while you settle into the cab."
"Thank you." I took Spock's hand and led him around to the passenger side of the hover-truck. He did his best to keep me between him and the truck the entire time. It was frankly rather amusing, given the fact that had Sarek's Sehlat, I-Chaya, been there he wouldn't have thought twice about cuddling the large beast.
Before we got into the truck's cab, I unhooked both of our backpacks and started to toss them into the back of the truck. Spock stopped me before I could finish, motioning for me to hand his backpack to him.
Setting it onto the ground he started digging through it, until his head and most of his shoulders were hidden inside the wide mouth of the pack.
Mr. Kirk came up beside me carrying our bags. He stopped for a minute, looking around until his eyes landed on Spock and his pack. He cracked another boyish smile and started chuckling.
"Is there something in particular you find funny?" I found the sight amusing, but that didn't mean I appreciated his laughing at my son.
"No, it's just that he reminds me of my youngest son."
"Oh?"
"Yeah, he's five." He nodded towards Spock. "That looks like something he'd do."
Spock popped back up, Sehlat plushy clutched to his chest, and a sock stuck to his hair. Mr. Kirk started laughing harder.
"Mother?" He raised a questioning eyebrow.
I knelt down in front of him, to help get his pack put back together after his digging. While he was distracted by putting his Pleenok away, I plucked the sock out of his hair and stuffed it back into the pack.
Mr. Kirk had at least had the good sense to stifle his laughter and finish packing the bags. I wouldn't have been amused if he'd made Spock feel more self-conscious than he already was.
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Spock fell asleep only a few miles into the trip. Mr. George kept looking at us out of the corner of his eye, until Spock started snoring softly. "I'm not sure if you know much about this, your application says that you've been off planet for a while, but our area of Iowa has a large representation of Back to Earthers."
"I had heard, but no matter where I go I'm going to have problems with Isolationists. It comes part and parcel with being an Alien languages teacher."
"And having a Vulcan son."
"Half-Vulcan." Not that being partially human made his status any less precarious. If anything it was likely to make things worse, given that mixed breeding was considered one of the great sins by most isolationists.
"What are you going to do if people react negatively to his presence?" He carefully avoided meeting my eyes. Keeping his gaze pinned to the road in front of us, like he hadn't been watching Spock and me as much as the road only a few minutes before.
"I am hoping it won't come to that, but if it does, I'll see about moving us to San Francisco. People there can't afford to be as openly prejudiced with Star Fleet headquarters being there.
"Why didn't you go there first?" He finally braved a glance in my direction. "If you don't mind me saying, it seems like you'd have had an easier time finding a job out there, then around here."
"There are more positions open for Alien Language Professors out west, but there are also more teachers interested in the positions. I don't think anybody else even bothered to apply to your school."
"Probably not."
We rode in silence for a while after that. The cool Iowa breeze whistled past the open windows as we left the space port and its surrounding city behind. There was nothing to see now but wide open fields.
"Principal Hodges told you that you'd be staying with my family, right?"
"I was actually the one who requested that he find me lodgings with a family he trusted. As you said this isn't the best place to be if someone takes umbrage to our presence. I felt that staying with a family that was trusted by the majority of the town would be advisable. Though I do admit I was surprised that the mayor himself would open his home."
"Nobody else was really jumping at the chance to have a Vulcan living in their home."
After that encouraging statement, discussion petered off again. If Mr. Kirk represented the most understanding member of Riverside, then this posting might be even tougher than I had been expecting. Not that it was really a surprise given that the Back to Earth party held a large amount of sway in the area. Unfortunately for them they didn't have much choice but to put up with me. Not since the Federation had ruled that Alien Languages was a required course in all government schools.
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I jolted awake when the truck turned sharply sending me careening into the side of the door, and Spock's head slamming into my chest. I glared over at Mr. Kirk.
Who gave me a carefully, sheepish smile. "Sorry about that Ms.. Grayson. I almost missed the turn." He rubbed sleepily at his eyes.
I sighed. I could hardly blame him for being tired, it was almost two o'clock in the morning after all. "It's fine. You were going to have to wake us up soon anyway."
"I suppose so. And hey, this way you can see the house right off."
I unbuckled Spock and lifted him onto my lap so that he could see over the dashboard. "This is going to be our new home for a while," I whispered into his ear. He nodded, watching wide eyed through the windshield as we drove around the bend in the driveway and got our first glimpse of the Kirk farm.
It was big. That much at least I could tell in the dark. A two story farm house, painted in some muted shade of yellow or tan, it was too dark to see which. It was even harder to make out the barn, beyond the fact that it was huge. A dark foreboding building that fair loomed over everything in the surrounding area.
As used to the Vulcan design ascetic as I was, neither building looked as homey and welcoming as they probably should have. It made me nervous even thinking about being closed up inside such a confining space. I clamped down on that instinctive fear before it had time to fully form. Holding Spock like I was, it wouldn't take much for him to sense my nervousness. I didn't want to chance that. No matter how unsettling I found this situation it was far worse for him, I had to be strong so that he didn't feel the need to be strong for me. "It looks like a lovely place."
"Thanks, we've done our best. Just wait until you meet Winona, she'll be glad to tell you all about the history of this place."
"I look forward to it."
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Author:
chibifukurou Artists:
synnovu and solara1357 Series: Star Trek: The Original Series
Characters/Pairings: Amanda/Sarek; Spock
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Separation of a married couple; Xenophobia
Word Count: 15,000
Summary: I had always loved Vulcan better than Earth, but there are certain things I couldn't accept and the Vulcan prejudices against my son was simple illogical and unforgivable. My son deserved a home where he could be loved and accepted and I would do everything in my power to make sure he found such a place.
Even if it meant leaving the man and the world I loved behind and traveling to Earth to become a Alien Languages Teacher in Riverside, Iowa.
Notes: Betaed by the lovely
sesh_khem Link to fic: Part 1 | Part 2 | Ao3
Link to art: classic trek bb: art
Link to art:
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Searching for Home
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My hand stung. A spot of green and yellow bloomed on Sarek's cheek. He stared at me, eyes like black holes. Full of disappointment and accusations. The only sign that our conversation was causing him emotional distress. His voice remained disturbingly calm. "Why did you strike me?"
I didn't answer him directly, too angry and upset. I lacked the Vulcan calm that allowed him to remain in control. I almost reached out to slap him again, unsure how else to work off my anger. How dare he even imply… "How dare you!" I hissed, voice shaking. The only reason I didn't indulge my all too human emotions and start screaming, was because I didn't want to wake Spock. It had taken me almost an hour of bedtime stories and rocking to get him to sleep.
Sarek shifted away from me. Probably able to tell that I wanted to hit him again. If nothing else our bond had to be making my rage clear. Still he was stubborn. One of the things I loved and hated about him most. "It is logical."
Logic! I should have known. I normally did my best to respect logic. But this. It made stomach turn.
"He cannot follow the path set out for him."
"Then let him forge his own path."
"I must have an heir," Not so much as a tremor in his voice to show that he acknowledge my disgust with the entire situation.
"He's our son!"
"He is flawed."
"That shouldn't matter. He is our beautiful baby." I could still remember the absolute joy I'd had the first time I held him in my arms. Ten perfect toes, ten perfect fingers, and a pair of tiny, pointed ears.
"It does matter. He is already months behind his peers."
"He's only four earth years old. It's too early to say that he won't be able to catch up. Just because he's different, that doesn't mean he needs to be replaced."
He moved closer to me then, gripping my shoulders with his strong hands. The closest he'd ever been able to come to giving me a human hug. His voice was soft, almost consoling. "Not replaced. Just given a brother"
"A brother who you want to take his place." A sibling would be good for him, but not under these circumstances. "I won't do it."
"Amanda."
Shrugging out of his grip, I said. "No!"
"You must see the logic in what I'm purposing."
I did, but seeing the logic didn't make feel better. In most things I was willing to bow to the Vulcan way, but not in this. Not if the end result was bringing another child into the world, not because we wanted him with all our hearts, but because we needed someone to take the place of Spock. It wouldn't be fair to either child. Sarek wouldn't understand my reasoning though, so I tried to give him a logical reason to give up the idea of having another child. "What if the second child is the same as Spock. There is a very large possibility that Spock's differences are caused by his human ancestry. And even if we knew for sure that our next child would be more Vulcan than Spock, your next fertility cycle is one and a half R'tas away."
Sarek wouldn't meet my eyes. I shouldn't have been as surprised as I was that he had already considered that possibility. "We will go to the Science Academy and ask for assistance from their geneticists. There are historical records of Vulcans and humans mating, surely there are also records of how their children were altered to allow their Vulcan genetics to become dominant and they will be able to combine our DNA to create a child without having to wait until my Pon'far."
"Absolutely not!" While I understood the need to involve the Academy if we didn't want to wait another four Earth years to have a child. "When we decided to have children you assured me that you would allow me to have them as naturally as possible."
"I did. That agreement is now null. It was made when I believed that a natural birth would not negatively impact our children. Now that we know better, I must insist that we take the proper precautions."
"No, I won't have my child put through that."
"Amanda, the child will be a fetus. It will not know what has happened."
"How do you know that they won't. Human fetuses bond with their mother, I can only assume that the same holds true for Vulcan fetuses. I won't let my child be created and incubated in some Science Institute vat." The thought of how lonely our child would be, made me want to cry.
Sarek pulled me into his arms, he must have sensed my upset. "We are much more advanced here than they are on Earth. Just because he will not be growing inside you, that doesn't mean that the two of you will not bond. I swear to you, if I thought that being born artificially would harm our child, or take away his ability to bond with you, I would not suggest it."
"I'm sorry. I know that you would love our child as much as I would, but…"
"You are human, my wife. I knew this when I married you. It would be foolish of me to blame you for acting as any human would to the idea of having another bear their child. I understand that in humans, the bond between mother and child is usually formed while the child is developing." He pressed his hand to my cheek. It wasn't in the meld position, but it was close enough that I could feel the light touch of his calm mind against mine. "Our child will be half-Vulcan. While some bonding happens during the fetus' development, the majority happens after birth."
Pressing my cheek against his palm, I relaxed into his arms. "I will think about having our next child with the help of the Academy, but I still don't think we should have a child right now. Not when Spock is still so young."
"Do you truly believe he will grow out of his differences?"
There was no way to know if that was a rhetorical statement, or if my husband truly wanted my opinion as a human. "I don't know. There are a number of developmental disorders prevalent in human children. It is possible that he is suffering from one of them, but it is equally possible that he is simply a human child among Vulcans."
"What do you mean by that?"
"Human children are not born with an ability to understand logic. That comes with age."
"You believe that he is simply too young to understand Sarek's teachings?"
"It seems as likely as there being a more serious cause for his differences. Humans don't start to think logically until they are four of five."
"You wish to wait on having another child, in order to see if Spock is able to understand the teachings of Sarek once he has reached the human age of logic."
I nodded, feeling the soft pads of his fingertips rub against my cheek.
"I understand the logic of your argument, but I cannot agree to wait for such a time."
"Why not?"
"Spock is over one R'tas old. He is expected to take his place among the acolytes in the next few months.
His teachers believe that he will be unable to fulfill this duty, and should be held back with the children of the next R'tas. I would lose all face if I made one who failed to become an acolyte my heir."
It was hard to believe the pressures they would put on a child who was barely one Vulcan year old. "If all you care about is losing face then I see no reason to agree with your suggestion that we have another child. I would prefer to wait until your next fertile cycle. By that time we will know if Spock simply needed more time to mature, or if there is a need to have our next child created through artificial means."
He moved his hand away from my cheek, back to my shoulder, and began shaking me slightly. "It is my reputation that allowed us to be married in the first place. If they think that I would pick you over my commitment to the Vulcan council, they could force me to send you and Spock away."
My anger at his callous discussion of having another child melted away. While his voice and expression had not changed, I knew him well enough to know what he was not saying. He wished me to have another child so that he would not have to lose me, or our son. I pressed a human kiss to his cheek, where there was still a slight, red imprint from where I had slapped him. "I'm sorry my husband, I hadn't realized that the council had reacted so poorly to Spock's differences."
While his posture remained firm for a human, I could see his body relax infinitesimally. "I am sorry that I did not make the consequences more clear to you."
"It is fine." I wrapped my hand around his. "I promise that I will think about having another child, but I have to put Spock's needs first. It is my duty as his mother."
He nodded gravely. "I will try to be patient. In return you must understand that it might become necessary to have another child in order to protect him."
I nodded. "I promise that I will take the possibility into consideration when I am contemplating all the ways to help Spock."
"That is all I can ask, my wife." He didn't smile but I could see the softness in his eyes. He hated our fights as much as I did.
"Come, Sarek, let's go to bed. This discussion has exhausted me."
He bowed slightly, in agreement and I used my grip on his hand to pull him towards our bedroom. We slipped into bed together and I curled up on his chest and listened to his strong heartbeat as it slowed and his breath eased. He wouldn't stay asleep for long, but I planned to use his rest to my advantage.
Pressing a kiss to his cheek, I slipped out of the bed, wrapping the blankets around him to keep the warm night air out and the shared heat of our bodies in. I walked on bare feet through the house, quiet and calm in the darkness of night. The soft moonlight my only guide through the familiar rooms and hallways.
It was even darker in Spock's room, thanks to the curtains I'd put up over his window. Sarek had stared at me like he thought I was being completely illogical when I'd put them up. But I hadn't been able to shake the human tradition of putting up curtains in the nursery so that the child could nap at any time of the day.
Admittedly Spock had stopped sleeping through the day within the first month but I still found them comforting. So I had left them. Spock had never seemed to mind, particularly after I'd shown him how he could make a fort with the curtains and the rocking chair from his nursery.
He was very much his father's son, no matter what Sarek or the Vulcan elders thought. He was always happiest when things were logical and he had time to sit quietly and think things through rationally. I'd often seen him watching Sarek meditate with large, adoring eyes and trying to imitate his father's calm. He'd even started to spurn my touch in an attempt to be more like his father.
I missed holding him, but I understood the Vulcan way of things better than almost any other human. If our son wanted to concentrate on his Vulcan blood then I had planned to allow him that choice. Now though it looked like that might not be an option. I would not ask Sarek to give up more than he already had in order to keep Spock safe. But at the same time Spock had to be my priority.
My husband probably hadn't thought of it yet. Logical he might be, but his conviction to keep me by his side was that of a bondmate refusing to be parted from the most important person in their life. I was different. Human. I understood that leaving the person you loved didn't have to mean that you stopped loving them. It just meant that other things were more important than your love. If it came down to it, I would do what was necessary.
But it wouldn't be my first choice.
I struck a match and lit the candle that sat on Spock's dresser. The dish of incense sitting above the candle began to heat and the scent of Vulcan spice filled the room. The soft candle light was enough to see Spock by. He was sprawled out in his small, pod-like bed. Wrapped in the gray woolen nightshirt I'd knit for him. His tiny Sehlat plushy clutched in his hand.
My body relaxed without a thought. This was right, seeing my son so relaxed and happy. I sat down on the mattress beside him, running my fingers through his fine hair and around the tiny point of his ear. He cuddled closer to my body heat. As much as I appreciated the Vulcan's logical way of doing things, I still loved the few moments when my son acted like a human child who needed his mother's touch.
Pressing my lips to his hot forehead, I closed my eyes and prayed a soft prayer that we would find a way to help Spock become the heir Sarek needed. I would do whatever it took to take care of my son, but I was selfish enough to hope that there was a way for us to stay with Sarek.
I had never been as happy on Earth as I was on Vulcan.
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When I'd been a little girl, stuck sitting on the bench outside of the principal's office, more often then I cared to remember, I'd thought that things had to be easier for my parents. All they had to do was come in, complain about how ill behaved I was, and take me home.
It was funny how these things changed when you were the parent. My mother always used to say that she hoped I had a child just like me. That at least hadn't worked out, Spock was much more well-behaved then I had been, but I still ended up spending a good amount of time in the principal's office. Though personally I thought that had more to do with the Vulcan's version of propriety than any misbehavior on Spock's part.
He was waiting for me on the bench outside of his teacher's office. I patted his shoulders softly before I went in.
Teacher T'pren was busy writing in a journal when I entered the office. It was an obvious tactic to make it clear that I was not her priority, but I didn't really care. I sat down in the chair in front of her desk and waited patiently. She had another thing coming if she thought that I'd get upset by such a simple tactic. I'd been a teacher myself before I had met Sarek and I had only become more patient since then.
It only took ten minutes of staring at her intently and radiating negative thoughts for her to stop ignoring me. I'd learned quickly that most Vulcans weren't experienced enough with human emotions to withstand them for long.
"Wife of Sarek, I had hoped that after out last meeting you would see to it that Spock was better prepared for this week's lessons and how to properly handle his reaction to failure. "
"What is it you think I should do? I spoke to him about allowing failure to cause him to react in an emotional manner. He seemed to have embraced the idea."
She frowned at me. "It is not that simple. In addition to remaining calm and in control. He also needs to use his failure to encourage himself to succeed."
"He has never disappointed with me with his grades."
She crossed her hands on top of the desk. "I don't believe you understand the way we Vulcans handle matters of childhood learning."
"Then perhaps you should stop calling me into the office for discussions, and start explaining what it is you want me to do for Spock. It does not strike me as logical that you would be so secretive about this."
"I had hoped that your husband would explain this to you." She pinched her mouth into a thin line.
"He has not yet felt the need discuss this matter with me." We had agreed that Spock would primarily be my responsibility.
"Very well, I will explain. Though it is truly not my place. You son is failing to think through his schoolwork logically."
"Logically?" Surely she couldn't mean what it sounded like she meant. They couldn't possibly be judging Spock because he failed to solve the problems they assigned him logically.
"That is correct. He follows no logical method to solve his problems, instead relies on instinct and supposition. It is most inappropriate and disturbing."
"You are judging him because he uses a different manner of thinking to solve the problems you've assigned him."
"That is correct."
"Why?" It was hardly unusual for a student to think differently than the other students.
"I understand that you are a human and thus do not fully understand the ways of Vulcan culture but surely you can understand that it is imperative that all Vulcan children be taught and learn in the same manner in order to ensure the most cohesive society possible. If everyone was allowed to think as they wished," Teacher T'pren could quite suppress her shudder, "it would result in chaos."
"I disagree. You are being illogical, expecting a half-human child to think in the same manner as a full Vulcan. The biological differences alone would indicate a distinction between his way of thinking and that of his peers. As an educator of your standing should well know."
"While that might be the case, when you married, your husband assured the council that you would be able to provide the proper, logical environment for any children you would have. If they feel that you have failed in this task, there will be consequences."
So this was what Sarek had been talking about. "I see." I stood up, without waiting to be dismissed. T'pren stared at me. Most likely wondering if I was going to show my illogical human nature and throw a fit. While I was feeling extremely, illogically, justifiably angry, I knew better than to show such weakness. "Thank you for your patience, Teacher T'pren. I am grateful for your explanation. I will discuss this matter with my husband and son."
She nodded sharply. She might not be happy with my abrupt departure, but she couldn't say anything against my decision as long as I handled things properly.
I nodded in reply and left her office. Spock was still sitting on the bench next to the door, his hands folded in his lap and his legs slowly swinging back and forth.
"Come on dear, let's go home."
"Has Teacher T'pren finished speaking with you?"
"Yes, for now, but your father and I will have some things to discuss when he returns home." I held my hand out to him. "Come on, sweetheart, let’s head home."
I kept my stride short and steady so that Spock and I could leave the school together and with as much dignity as was possible under the circumstances.
I was able to relax a bit, once we left the school and walked around to the side of the large building so that we were standing in the long, dark shadow of the academy, out of sight from anyone passing by. Spock moved closer to my side and grabbed my hand. "I'm sorry I upset Teacher, Mom."
"It's alright, my son." I smiled down at him, just happy that he was willing to call me Mom instead of Mother, or even worse, Amanda. "There was nothing you could have done to keep Teacher T'pren from calling me in.
"Why not?"
I didn't feel the need to lie, even if would have been easier. While I wasn't above bending the truth, one of the traits that I loved about Vulcan's was their inability to lie. It hurt me to know that T'pren was judging Spock harshly because she didn't approve of his half-human status and didn't like how I was raising him. But I was still glad to know what she truly thought of me. There was little I valued above honesty. "She doesn’t approve of your father's relationship with me and she feels that it is having a negative impact on your schooling."
"Oh," He let go of my hand and stared down at his shoes.
He didn't need to say any more than that. I was his mother; I knew what he was thinking. I kneeled down so that I was on the same level as him. Reaching out I grabbed his chin and lifted his head so that our eyes met. "I don't mind that your different, or if Teacher T'pren doesn't like me. It's worth it to have you in my life."
"I should be like the other children."
"Only if you want to be the same as them, dear."
"But all Vulcans are supposed to be the same." His voice cracked and if he'd been a fully human child he'd have been sobbing.
I couldn't keep myself from wrapping him up in a hug. "You're not Vulcan sweetheart, you're something different, and you should never have to deny that."
"Bu—but…"
"I will love you just as much if you act like a human or if you act like a Vulcan. I can promise you that." I said, pressing our foreheads together. "Now it's time we headed home. Do you want to walk or do you want to use the carrier?"
He thought about it for a few moments."Carrier."
Smiling, I started unfolding the carrier from where I'd stored it in my purse. Much like the hand holding when I came to pick Spock up from school, the carrier was a good way for Spock to gain comfort in my presence without violating the Vulcan sense of propriety. Admittedly I'd gotten a few odd looks when people had first seen me walking about with Spock in a sling on my back, but it hadn't taken long for them to see the logic in it.
As a human female. I had a third of their strength and was at least a foot shorter than the average Vulcan female, it made sense for me to find an alternate way to carry my child. One that would not cause harm to my fragile human body. The sling also had the positive affect of allowing Spock to have full body contact with me, a boon when he was upset and there was no Other acceptable way for me to initiate physical contact so that he could gain comfort through his touch telepathy.
Once I had the carrier tied around my waist, I bent down so that Spock could climb onto my back. His strong little fingers dug into one of my shoulders so that he could stay in place without me holding him up, and he had a hand free to help me tie the shoulder harness. By this point both of us were old hands at getting him strapped in.
Once everything was situated properly, the two of us headed home. Nobody looked twice when we came out from the hidden area behind the building and joined the bustling traffic of Academy complex. By this point everyone was used to having me around and ignoring my eccentricities.
Which was good, because I wasn't in the mood to explain myself, not when my mind was still back in that classroom with T'pren. I'd heard what she hadn't said. Spock wasn't going to be allowed to advance, and they considered his failure a direct result of his mixed heritage.
I wasn't like Sarek, I didn't understand all of the eccentricities involved in Vulcan politics, but I understood enough. Sarek was only allowed to have a human bond mate because it was politically advantageous. If he lost his position due to his lack of an heir, then his family would insist that he joined with another bond mate.
He would refuse, because he loved me, and then we'd both loose our place on Vulcan. That was unacceptable and Sarek had to know that. So I'd have to make the hard decision for him.
I was going to have to do what was right for my family and go back to Earth. Then maybe someday, once Sarek had the heir he needed, we could be together as a family again.
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I had a hard time sorting through my things and pick what I wanted to take with me to Earth. Every item in Sarek and my bedroom, held a memory of our time together. More than once I considered changing my mind. Reminded of the love Sarek and I had shared in our youth. The promises we made to each other.
But I wasn't a young woman anymore. I was a mother and no matter how painful the separation was going to be I couldn't give in. Not if Spock was my priority.
The night after my disastrous meeting with T'pren, I sent my resume in to a job matching service back on Earth.
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It took less time than I'd expected for me to find a position on Earth. Admittedly a posting in Riverside, Iowa didn't sound ideal. But things had only been getting more tense as the end of Spock's first year at school drew nearer and I was ready to leave.
The day after I heard that I'd gotten the job, I sat down with Spock and explained that we were going to go live on my home planet for a while.
Smart little boy that he was, he immediately connected our move with his instructors' decision to hold him back. It broke my heart when he asked. "Is this my fault?"
I'd sworn to him that it wasn't, but I don't think he believed me and there wasn't really anything that I could say to the contrary. It wasn't his fault, but he was the cause. As far as Vulcans were concerned there wasn't much difference between those two concepts.
We packed our most prized possessions, clothes, and essentials up and loaded them into the small hand cart I used when I went shopping at the market. I don't think Spock said more than a dozen words to me throughout the entire process but I'd run out of words to comfort him.
Before we left the house for the last time, I put the letter I'd written to Sarek, explaining what I had done, on the pillows of our shared bed. It felt meaningful leaving it there even if all I was really doing was delaying the inevitable and making so that I didn't have to see his face when he read my Dear John letter.
It was easy enough to get through the security checks at the Space Port. Nobody asked me why I was leaving or tried to convince me to stay. I wasn't surprised, though it bothered me more than it should have. I was leaving Vulcan because I couldn't put up with their contempt for humans, and yet I still wanted someone to defend or support me.
Honestly, I think I was just looking for an excuse to stay. But none came.
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Spock at least cheered up almost as soon as the shuttle left Vulcan. He watched wide-eyed as Vulcan fell away behind us and we were surrounded by stars. I don't think he even blinked until the ship went into Warp almost three hours after we launched.
I wasn't as lucky. I'd never been a big fan of tight spaces, and while I didn't expect anything to go wrong I still found myself clutching at my seat arms whenever the ship shook or jolted unexpectedly. It was easier once we got into hyperspace and we were able to get out of our seats and move into the sleeping quarters.
If there was one thing I was sure of it was that it was going to be a long trip to Earth.
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An old beat up hover truck pulled up in front of us. Spock moved closer to me, until he was practically hiding behind my skirt. I couldn't say that I blamed him. Growing up on Earth, I was used to loud, clunky hover vehicles, but more than six years on Vulcan made the growling roar of the engine seem foreign and a little threatening.
With his sensitive ears and Vulcan upbringing, hover vehicles were almost as far outside of Spock's norm as you could get. Unfortunately, his culture shock was only going to get worse. Humans were a loud, , and emotional race. I just prayed that Spock would be able to deal with the inevitable emotional overload.
A young man, at least by human standards, hopped out of the truck. Good looking, with a wide smile and dark, windswept hair, he'd have been just the type of man I was attracted to in my youth. Now though I just noticed how his forehead was oddly shaped. And how unusual it seemed the way his eyebrows curved around his ocular crest. Funny what marriage and a good number of years on an alien planet could change the way you saw things.
The truck driver approached me, his hand held out to shake mine, and a boyish smile stretched across his face."Mrs. Grayson, I presume?"
"Ms. Grayson." I corrected, pointedly ignoring his outstretched hand. It would have been more correct by human standards to have him use Sarek's name, but I was after a new start and Vulcans didn't encourage spouses to share names.
He chuckled and rubbed at the back of his neck and head, in what was probably supposed to look like a sheepish gesture. I didn't fall for it, knowing what I did about deliberately projecting the appearance of emotions through body language. It one of Sarek and my favorite things to discuss when we'd started dating.
"Well Ms. Grayson then, if you're ready I'm here to take to where you'll be staying."
"And your name?" Taking a page out of Sarek's book, I raised a questioning eyebrow.
"George Kirk, ma'am."
Reaching behind me, I snagged Spock's shoulder. I used the grip to guide him out to stand beside me. "And this is my son, Spock."
They stared at each other. Both seemingly shocked to run into someone with such alien features. Spock had never seemed to understand that most humans looked like me. And while I recognized George Kirk's name from when he'd worked for Star Fleet, I doubted he'd had much experience with alien races in small-town Iowa.
Spock recovered from the surprise first, giving Mr. Kirk a solemn bow. He hurried to reciprocate; now at least he looked honestly sheepish. A slight blush high on his cheeks. I decided to interfere before things became any more awkward. "You said you'd be taking us to wear we'd be staying."
"Um, yeah—of course. Are these all of your bags?" He pointed at the duffle bag and the pair of hard-case suitcases clustered around our feet.
"Those, and our backpacks."
"Well then I'll get them loaded up in the back of my truck, while you settle into the cab."
"Thank you." I took Spock's hand and led him around to the passenger side of the hover-truck. He did his best to keep me between him and the truck the entire time. It was frankly rather amusing, given the fact that had Sarek's Sehlat, I-Chaya, been there he wouldn't have thought twice about cuddling the large beast.
Before we got into the truck's cab, I unhooked both of our backpacks and started to toss them into the back of the truck. Spock stopped me before I could finish, motioning for me to hand his backpack to him.
Setting it onto the ground he started digging through it, until his head and most of his shoulders were hidden inside the wide mouth of the pack.
Mr. Kirk came up beside me carrying our bags. He stopped for a minute, looking around until his eyes landed on Spock and his pack. He cracked another boyish smile and started chuckling.
"Is there something in particular you find funny?" I found the sight amusing, but that didn't mean I appreciated his laughing at my son.
"No, it's just that he reminds me of my youngest son."
"Oh?"
"Yeah, he's five." He nodded towards Spock. "That looks like something he'd do."
Spock popped back up, Sehlat plushy clutched to his chest, and a sock stuck to his hair. Mr. Kirk started laughing harder.
"Mother?" He raised a questioning eyebrow.
I knelt down in front of him, to help get his pack put back together after his digging. While he was distracted by putting his Pleenok away, I plucked the sock out of his hair and stuffed it back into the pack.
Mr. Kirk had at least had the good sense to stifle his laughter and finish packing the bags. I wouldn't have been amused if he'd made Spock feel more self-conscious than he already was.
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Spock fell asleep only a few miles into the trip. Mr. George kept looking at us out of the corner of his eye, until Spock started snoring softly. "I'm not sure if you know much about this, your application says that you've been off planet for a while, but our area of Iowa has a large representation of Back to Earthers."
"I had heard, but no matter where I go I'm going to have problems with Isolationists. It comes part and parcel with being an Alien languages teacher."
"And having a Vulcan son."
"Half-Vulcan." Not that being partially human made his status any less precarious. If anything it was likely to make things worse, given that mixed breeding was considered one of the great sins by most isolationists.
"What are you going to do if people react negatively to his presence?" He carefully avoided meeting my eyes. Keeping his gaze pinned to the road in front of us, like he hadn't been watching Spock and me as much as the road only a few minutes before.
"I am hoping it won't come to that, but if it does, I'll see about moving us to San Francisco. People there can't afford to be as openly prejudiced with Star Fleet headquarters being there.
"Why didn't you go there first?" He finally braved a glance in my direction. "If you don't mind me saying, it seems like you'd have had an easier time finding a job out there, then around here."
"There are more positions open for Alien Language Professors out west, but there are also more teachers interested in the positions. I don't think anybody else even bothered to apply to your school."
"Probably not."
We rode in silence for a while after that. The cool Iowa breeze whistled past the open windows as we left the space port and its surrounding city behind. There was nothing to see now but wide open fields.
"Principal Hodges told you that you'd be staying with my family, right?"
"I was actually the one who requested that he find me lodgings with a family he trusted. As you said this isn't the best place to be if someone takes umbrage to our presence. I felt that staying with a family that was trusted by the majority of the town would be advisable. Though I do admit I was surprised that the mayor himself would open his home."
"Nobody else was really jumping at the chance to have a Vulcan living in their home."
After that encouraging statement, discussion petered off again. If Mr. Kirk represented the most understanding member of Riverside, then this posting might be even tougher than I had been expecting. Not that it was really a surprise given that the Back to Earth party held a large amount of sway in the area. Unfortunately for them they didn't have much choice but to put up with me. Not since the Federation had ruled that Alien Languages was a required course in all government schools.
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I jolted awake when the truck turned sharply sending me careening into the side of the door, and Spock's head slamming into my chest. I glared over at Mr. Kirk.
Who gave me a carefully, sheepish smile. "Sorry about that Ms.. Grayson. I almost missed the turn." He rubbed sleepily at his eyes.
I sighed. I could hardly blame him for being tired, it was almost two o'clock in the morning after all. "It's fine. You were going to have to wake us up soon anyway."
"I suppose so. And hey, this way you can see the house right off."
I unbuckled Spock and lifted him onto my lap so that he could see over the dashboard. "This is going to be our new home for a while," I whispered into his ear. He nodded, watching wide eyed through the windshield as we drove around the bend in the driveway and got our first glimpse of the Kirk farm.
It was big. That much at least I could tell in the dark. A two story farm house, painted in some muted shade of yellow or tan, it was too dark to see which. It was even harder to make out the barn, beyond the fact that it was huge. A dark foreboding building that fair loomed over everything in the surrounding area.
As used to the Vulcan design ascetic as I was, neither building looked as homey and welcoming as they probably should have. It made me nervous even thinking about being closed up inside such a confining space. I clamped down on that instinctive fear before it had time to fully form. Holding Spock like I was, it wouldn't take much for him to sense my nervousness. I didn't want to chance that. No matter how unsettling I found this situation it was far worse for him, I had to be strong so that he didn't feel the need to be strong for me. "It looks like a lovely place."
"Thanks, we've done our best. Just wait until you meet Winona, she'll be glad to tell you all about the history of this place."
"I look forward to it."
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