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chibifukurouWell I'm a day late and luckily not a drabble short. I decided to do something a little different with the last of my drabbles and combine them with ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
kamerreon 's Rare Pairing Challenge. So this ended up being one of the longest stories I've ever written at 4000 words.
I'm sorry for the wait but my computer managed to eat my first attempt and my first 10 drabbles. I hope you all find this as amusing to read as I found it to write and thank you all for your patience and congratulations to everyone who managed to finish the Drabble Challenge on-time!
Warnings for crossdressing and general insanity
Reason 1: Bachelor
Bachelor Parties the bane of any husband to be’s life. At least it was if said expectant husband had six idiotic brothers to run it for him. Why they thought he would enjoy a trip to a strip-joint that only had female strippers he’d never know.
At least they had good firewhiskey here. It was pretty much the only thing keeping him from running out on his own party. He really would be running out if he could be with Harry but since he couldn’t see his “bride” before the wedding he could at least be miserable with his family.
Reason 2: Bachelorete
When Mrs. Weasley had first asked Harry if she could plan a bachelorete party for it he hadn’t seen the harm. After all she only had one daughter, it made since that she’d want to have a bachelorete party for him as well. He should have known better particularly after seeing Charlie’s horrified face.
Now instead of being safely tucked into bed and sleeping through the hours he was separated from Charlie he was being forced to listen to the married ladies reminisce about their weddings and even worse their wedding nights. Some things about your In-laws you shouldn’t know.
Reason 3: Sloshed
Charlie was sloshed, there was no other way to describe it. Unfortunately being sloshed wasn’t making his night any better. He was zonked out enough that he didn’t have to watch his brother’s actions but he was unfortunately not zonked out enough that he didn’t have to hear them.
At least he was pretty sure that the party would be ending soon. His brothers were getting louder all the time and he didn’t think the strip-clubs manager would put up with it much longer. Which meant he’d soon have the perfect excuse to ditch his brothers and their party plans.
Reason 4: Toys
Harry had learned that there actually was something worse that having to listen to your Mother-in-law recount her wedding night, hearing her discuss sex toys. He didn’t know where Mrs. Weasly and Ginny had managed to find a lady who ran sex toy parties and he didn’t want to.
He was shy about sex as it was and having a lady that looked far too much like Rita Skeeter for comfort try to discuss it with him wasn’t helping. Particularly with the other guest’s looking on, giggling, and whispering “He’s so cute when he blushes” when his back was turned.
Reason 5: Antics
The strip-club manager was much more tolerant than Charlie had expected. He’d taken almost an hour to kick them out, despite Fred and George getting onstage and doing a strip tease of their very own. Charlie sincerely hoped that he had managed to get drunk enough not to remember any of tonight’s events because he really hadn’t needed to see his little brothers dancing around naked.
At least Percy had kept his head and cast a concealing charm over the pair before they could do much dancing. Though they totally deserved the curse one of strippers had aimed at them.
Reason 6: Blushing
Harry was never going to be able to stop blushing he was sure of it. He’d been embarrassed at the beginning of this shindig but that was nothing compared to what was going on now. The Rita Skeeter look-a-like was now demonstrating the use of her toys, including some he’d never heard of, much less considered using.
He was an open-minded guy but they had left his comfort zone hours ago and weren’t showing any sign of stopping. Enough was enough, now he just had to figure out how to get away from the party without spontaneously combusting from embarrassment.
Reason 7: Sneaking
Charlie had thought his days of sneaking in and out of the Burrow were over when he’d left home. He should have known better than to think he’d never have to do it again. After all he was a Weasley no matter how far away he moved.
At least he had a good reason for sneaking in this time, his fiancé. Harry did not sleep well when he was on his own at the best of times and Charlie didn’t want to force Harry to spend the night before their wedding in sleepless anticipation when he could do something to stop it.
Reason 8: Nightmares
Harry loved nothing more than being cuddled up to his furnace of a lover. When he was curled against Charlie’s chest with Charlie’s heart thumping its life-giving rhythm beneath his ear he was able to sleep without nightmares. He wasn’t looking forward to the nightmares he’d be forced to endure if he slept while alone tonight so he wasn’t planning on sleeping.
At least he wasn’t until he heard someone scratching at the bedroom’s door. He’d picked Charlie’s old room because it was out of the way and there was no reason for him to have visitors until the morning.
Reason 9:Hiding
Charlie waited impatiently for Harry to open the door. His old room might be set as far apart from the rest of the family’s rooms as he could get it but that didn’t mean much in the Burrow.
He wasn’t laying bets on how long it would take for his mom to notice where his hand on the family clock had landed and come to throw him out. Still all the trouble was worth it to see Harry’s face light up at the sight of his standing in the doorway. Not that he remained standing in the door for long.
Reason 10: Nerves
Harry watched Charlie’s face as they lay curled together under the covers of Charlie’s old bed. It had been obvious that Charlie wanted to stay awake until Harry himself fell asleep but whatever he’d done at the bachelor party had caught up with him and dragged him down into sleep.
Still Charlie’s presence was enough to calm his nerves and make him sleepy. He was sure that as soon as he could make himself look away from Charlie’s peaceful face he’d be asleep. For now though he was content to watch Charlie and daydream about the life they’d have together.
Reason 11: Exhaustion
Charlie vaguely felt Harry moving around on his chest and knew he should try to comfort him. Not to mention calm him down because there was only three hours left before they had to get ready for the wedding. Unfortunately knowing wasn’t doing. Despite his resolution to wake up and comfort Harry his body was too exhausted to follow his wishes.
Between his brothers’ antics and the whiskey he’d imbibed during his attempt to ignore their antics he doubted he would be able to get up before he’d had a few hours of sleep and a couple cups of coffee.
Reason 12: Disasters
It had taken him a few hours but he’d finally fallen asleep. At least he hoped he was asleep because if the Fred and George actually managed to turn the Weasley family into purple hippopotamuses the Weasley’s would be down two sons and he was going to serve hippopotamus steaks at the wedding.
Having purple hippopotamuses dancing the conga down the aisle had just become one of the things he didn’t want happening at the wedding. In fact it now outranked a Death Eater attack and the appearance of Dumbledore and Snape’s reanimated corpses as the worst possible wedding disaster.
Reason 13: Discovery
Charlie had to say he was impressed he’d figured it would take him multiple cups of coffee to wake up after the amount of whiskey he’d drunk at his bachelor party but his mothers shriek worked just as well if not better. Though the jet of cold water she spelled onto him might be to blame for his early-morning sobriety.
He’d expected her to be upset upon discovering that he’d broken her edict to stay away from Harry, he’d have to be an idiot not to, but this was a bit extreme. At least their antics were making Harry giggle.
Reason 14: Monsters
Harry had never really gotten the whole Monster-in-law comments that so many of his married friends made. After all, he considered Mrs. Weasley as a second mother so he didn’t see how that much tension was possible between family members. His lack of belief was now laid to rest.
Mrs. Weasley had been turned into a raving Wedding Monster from the netherworld and anyone who got in here path had no choice but to duck and cover or suffer a fate as bad as Charlie’s. Unfortunately as the bride-to-be he didn’t have a chance of staying out of her path.
Reason 15: Brothers
He was going to kill his brothers if they kept this up. Well, he’d kill most of his brothers anyway. Bill and Percy had the sense God gave an Earthworm and were staying out of his way. Though that might have something to do with their respective significant others and the horror’s Charlie could still remember from the day of Bill’s wedding.
At least he was lucky enough to have a “bride” who wasn’t as obsessed with wedding plans because rough dragon-trainer that he was he didn’t think he’d stand a chance of surviving one
Wedding Monster much less two.
Reason 16: Facials
Harry face burned. Whatever face mask they’d put on him had to be likened in evilness to the Cruciatis. In fact he thought it might actually be worse. As if that wasn’t enough Ginny and Hermione were now whispering and giggling together as they tried to decide which makeup (aka colored mud) they should rub into his poor abraded skin. Of course neither of them had been willing to listen to his suggestion that they just leave his face as it was.
They seemed to think that he should be turned into a flawless-faced and perfect-bodied bride for the wedding.
Reason 17: Tradition
Charlie wasn’t one to act on tradition. If he had been he’d have taken a job at the ministry instead of running off to Romania and training dragons. Luckily, his family wasn’t big on traditions either. Unfortunately, that luck ran out when it came to weddings.
If his father’s uncomfortable shifting was anything to go by Mom had ordered him to come to the hotel the boys were staying at and give him the speech about how to treat his wife properly. He knew how this was going to go since he’d been the one console Bill after his “talk”.
Reason 18: Corsets
As if the sandpaper mask wasn’t bad enough Mrs. Weasley, Hermione, and Ginny had now forced him into some sort of silk covered torture-device that necessitated a lot of tugging upon laces and the contraction of his diaphragm. They’d managed to leave just enough air in his lungs to keep him from fainting but if their cursing was anything to go by that was about to change.
His questions about why he was being forced to endure this rather awkward torture had been answered with an uncomfortable silence and some mutterings about chemises that hadn’t made him feel any better.
Reason 19: Talk
The dreaded talk was just as bad as Bill had made it out to be, if not worse. Though that could have had something to do with the fact that his father was used to giving an altered for of the Bird’s and the Bee’s talk rather than something that applied to the marriage of two men.
Either way it is not a conversation he wants remember and he sincerely hopes his kid brothers get married so that he can embarrass them with comments about “the talk”. It would be the perfect revenge for the trouble they had caused him.
Reason 20: Busybody
Hary didn’t get why Mrs. Weasley, Ginny, and Hermione were acting like such busybodies. Sure, they were about to become his relatives but that didn’t give them an automatic right to pry into his personal life and it certainly didn’t give them the right to know about every aspect of his sex-life.
No matter what Mrs. Weasley said about keeping his man he didn’t think he and Charlie needed help with their sex-life. After all, they’d been together sexually for over three years without getting bored. There was no reason for a ceremony and wedding license to change that fact.
Reason 21: Bowtie
Charlie hated ties on principle and bow –ties were even worse. They were always trying to strangle him and when they weren’t they were coming untied. Luckily he didn’t usually have to wear them. Unluckily mom had managed to win the battle and get her wish to have a traditional service, one which necessitated the use of tuxedoes and bowties.
Charlie still hadn’t managed to figure out whether she just wanted everything to be perfect or she was living in denial about the fact that as two gay men there was absolutely no way that their marriage could be traditional.
Reason 22: Dress
When Charlie had first broached his theory about how Mrs. Weasley was living in denial of the fact that they were two men getting married he’d brushed it off as one of Charlie’s crazy and half-baked ideas. The sight of the dress Mrs. Weasley was holding up was quickly changing his mind.
Wanting a traditional and fairytale perfect wedding was one thing but forcing him to cross-dress was quite another. Unfortunately, none of his helpers was inclined to listen to his vehement arguments and he soon found himself decked out in full bridal regalia and resembling a living white cupcake.
Reason 23: Family
Charlie loved his family but there were limits to his patience and that limit was his extended family. All told, the Weasley clan was made up of over a hundred people, all of whom had come out of the woodwork to celebrate this most joyous of occasions or so they said. Charlie was more inclind to believing that they had come to witness the spectacle of one of their family members marrying the most famous person in the wizarding world.
After all, most of them hadn’t bothered to come to Bill’s wedding and he was the heir of the family.
Reason 24: Guests
When the guest list had reached one hundred Harry had been disturbed, when it had reached two hundred he’d been horrified, and when it had reached three hundred he apparently hadn’t been informed. In fact he was pretty sure he hadn’t been informed when the guest list reached four and five hundred either. He knew for a fact that the church Mrs. Weasley had insisted upon the ceremony being held at was able to hold almost six hundred people and every seat was taken.
Obviously, Mrs. Weasley’s inner Wedding Monster had waylaid the plans for a small and intimate service.
Reason 25: Church
Charlie was miffed. He didn’t want to say angry because he tried not to get angry with his family. Despite that they were pushing the boundaries of his patience. He’d stopped attending the wizarding church or following its edicts years ago and the fact that his mother and father had decided to use his own wedding to force him back into it was disappointing as well as disturbing, particularly given what the church’s regular stance on homosexuality was.
They were only allowing his and Harry’s wedding because they couldn’t refuse to marry the great Harry Potter without facing severe concequences.
Reason 26: Flowers
The entire church reeked of roses and the sent kept forcing Harry to sneeze. He’d told Mrs. Weasley time and again that he was allergic to roses but the church was still filled to overflowing with them. Luckily, Hermione at least had the good sense to sneak him an anti-allergy potion, otherwise he’d be passing out any minute.
All he’d wanted were Lilies and Snapdragons but no those flowers just wouldn’t do for a wedding. Instead, he had the privilege of getting married in a church filled with flowers he hated and drinking allergy potions to survive his own wedding.
Reason 27: Pomp
Charlie was a casual kind of guy. He’d never been much for pomp and circumstance and the life he led caring for dragons hadn’t changed that fact, if anything it had made him less likely to put up with ostentatious behavior. Dragon Haven was constantly underfunded and the dragon-tamers who worked there quickly learned to do without and only do what was necessary.
This extravagant wedding most definitely wasn’t necessary. When his Mom had offered to plan the wedding he hadn’t objected to Harry offering her full access to his vault to pay for the wedding. He obviously should have.
Reason 28: Circumstance
Harry was hiding. Though he had chosen to calling it a tactically retreat worthy of a Slytherin. When he’d heard Mrs. Weasley threatening to make the bridal party rehearse the procession for a second time after their twin-induced disaster of a rehearsal dinner he’d immediately planned a safe hiding place.
He should probably feel guilty for hiding out in the Church’s confessional booth but he didn’t. After all he didn’t believe in the wizarding faith and even if he did he wasn’t one to stand on pomp and circumstance much less adhere to the wizarding world’s rather archaic religious traditions.
Reason 29: Groomsmen
If there was one thing to be said about having his brothers for groomsmen it was that he didn’t have to feel guilty for blackmailing them into behaving and he could threaten them with his mom’s wrath and have it mean something.
Unfortunately, at their age most of his brothers had become at least semi-immune to both blackmail and their mother’s wrath, particularly the twins. That meant that he was going to have to put up with their antics until the ceremony itself. The good news was that his dad’s presence would keep the antics to at least semi-tasteful levels.
Reason 30: Bridesmaids
Harry wanted to apologize to his bridesmaids for the hideous appearal they were all decked out in but since he’d never seen the pink lace-bedecked monstrosities before in his life he wasn’t quite sure how to do so. Particularly when Hermione and Ginny, who had picked the offending garments out, were among the bridesmaid’s ranks.
Though given the looks Fleur was leveling at the pair of them the other bridesmaids probably knew where to place the blame. The only one unaffected by the situation was Luna who had used her skirt to prop up her ever-present copy of the Quibbler.
Reason 31: Ceremony
Charlie had to admit that despite his dislike of almost every aspect of the wedding, including the attire and location, the ceremony itself was beautiful. The fairy lights that had been used to light the great expanse of the sanctuary gave everything an ethereal light the muted the over-the-top nature of the entire event.
In fact, he was able to block everything out except for Harry’s gorgeous face and the Gaelic vows and softly intoned spells that bound his life forever to Harry’s. As they stood together at the altar all thoughts about the disaster this wedding had become disappeared.
Reason 32: Kiss
They’d done it they’d managed to survive the wedding and become husband and husband(even if the stupid church insisted on calling him a wife). The vows and ceremony were finally over and now the one part of the wedding he’d been anticipating and planning for had arrived. He’d show these stuffy religious snobs just how much of a wife he was.
As soon as the priest said “the bride” he sprung into action, sweeping Charlie’s feet out from under him with one slippered foot and bending him back into a dramatic and tongue-filled kiss. He could hear the priest cringing.
Reason 33: Line
It seemed like half the people who had attended the wedding had decided to take part in the receiving line much to Charlie’s displeasure. It would take them over an hour to shake hands with the members of the Weasley clan alone much less the extra two hundred people. As if that wasn’t enough every old biddy he’d run into since Harry’s over the top kiss had felt the need to express their displeasure at his and Harry’s irreverence.
Something he would have normally found amusing except for the fact that their speeches were holding up the line even further.
Reason 34: Pictures
Harry hated having his picture taken, which meant that posing for the hundred or more pictures the wedding photographer seemed to feel were necessary was his personal hell. At least Charlie was there to suffer with him and once this was finally they were home free or so he kept telling himself so that he wouldn’t give into the instinctual need to run.
Of course, once the paparazzi showed up with Rita Skeeter in tow he stopped trying to keep from running and took off for the reception as fast as he could in his uncomfortable if trendy dress-slippers allowed.
Reason 35: Reception
If anything the reception was even worse than the wedding ceremony itself. Most of his friend’s had needed to return to the dragon haven right after the wedding itself since June was hatching time. That meant that he was completely at the mercy of his family and Harry’s school friends almost all of whom were obsessed with watching him for the slightest clue that he was unworthy of Harry so that they could steal him away.
It was nerve-racking and his only conciliation was that Harry didn’t realize what they were doing. He just thought his schoolmates were being friendly.
Reason 36: Cake
Harry couldn’t stop staring at the pink and blue monstrosity that was posing as his wedding cake. He knew for a fact it wasn’t the cake he and Charlie had picked out and he couldn’t figure out what he was supposed to do with it. Traditional dictated that he was to smash some of the cake Charlie’s face but since neither he or Charlie liked red velvet cake he didn’t see the point.
Why should they eat something they didn’t like for other’s amusement? That question was answered when one of the twins “accidently” pushed into the cake face first.
Reason 37: Toss
It was time for the dreaded Garter toss and Charlie still hadn’t figured out what to do. He knew one of his brothers, most likely the twins, was going to attempt to sneak a peek up Harry’s skirts while he removed the offending piece of lace and ribbon and he didn’t want that.
Luckily Harry seemed to be as on the ball as ever and when he went to remove Harry’s garter he found it dangling around Harry’s ankle and an amused twinkle in Harry’s eyes. The look on Ron and Hermione’s faces when Ron caught the garter was priceless.
Reason 38: Dance
If a Weasley stepped on Harry’s toes one more time he was going to go on a rampage. He’d been dancing with Weasleys of every conceivable size and shape for the last hour and except for his first dance with Charlie and his second with Mr. Weasley they’d all been horrible.
Though his dance with Charlie’s Great Aunt had to have been the worst. Still his plan was working he’d almost managed to dance to the edge of the dance-floor and soon he’d be able to sneak out with Charlie and head to the hotel room the twin’s had rented.
Reason 39: Jokes
Charlie stared in slack-jawed shock at the room. He didn’t know how the twins had managed to find a place as gaudily overdone as this but he had to admit he should have expected a trick like this from them. The gaudy heart-covered décor must have appealed to the twin’s sense of humor.
He’d be pissed at them but the large heart shaped bed was singing a siren song to his exhausted body and he couldn’t bring himself to care. He should probably show Harry how happy he was that they were finally married but he was just too tired.
Reason 40: Night
Usually he’d be jumping Charlie but he was to tired. He’d always wondered why stories about the wedding night were so overblown but now he knew. Everyone was too exhausted to do anything on their wedding night but sleep and didn’t want to admit it.
Still, as long as the room had a comfortable bed and wasn’t inhabited by any of his new family members he didn’t care. Today had been the happiest day of his life but it was also the most horror-filled.
One thing was certain though, if Charlie ever wanted to renew their vows they were eloping.
kamerreon 's Rare Pairing Challenge. So this ended up being one of the longest stories I've ever written at 4000 words. I'm sorry for the wait but my computer managed to eat my first attempt and my first 10 drabbles. I hope you all find this as amusing to read as I found it to write and thank you all for your patience and congratulations to everyone who managed to finish the Drabble Challenge on-time!
Warnings for crossdressing and general insanity
Reason 1: Bachelor
Bachelor Parties the bane of any husband to be’s life. At least it was if said expectant husband had six idiotic brothers to run it for him. Why they thought he would enjoy a trip to a strip-joint that only had female strippers he’d never know.
At least they had good firewhiskey here. It was pretty much the only thing keeping him from running out on his own party. He really would be running out if he could be with Harry but since he couldn’t see his “bride” before the wedding he could at least be miserable with his family.
Reason 2: Bachelorete
When Mrs. Weasley had first asked Harry if she could plan a bachelorete party for it he hadn’t seen the harm. After all she only had one daughter, it made since that she’d want to have a bachelorete party for him as well. He should have known better particularly after seeing Charlie’s horrified face.
Now instead of being safely tucked into bed and sleeping through the hours he was separated from Charlie he was being forced to listen to the married ladies reminisce about their weddings and even worse their wedding nights. Some things about your In-laws you shouldn’t know.
Reason 3: Sloshed
Charlie was sloshed, there was no other way to describe it. Unfortunately being sloshed wasn’t making his night any better. He was zonked out enough that he didn’t have to watch his brother’s actions but he was unfortunately not zonked out enough that he didn’t have to hear them.
At least he was pretty sure that the party would be ending soon. His brothers were getting louder all the time and he didn’t think the strip-clubs manager would put up with it much longer. Which meant he’d soon have the perfect excuse to ditch his brothers and their party plans.
Reason 4: Toys
Harry had learned that there actually was something worse that having to listen to your Mother-in-law recount her wedding night, hearing her discuss sex toys. He didn’t know where Mrs. Weasly and Ginny had managed to find a lady who ran sex toy parties and he didn’t want to.
He was shy about sex as it was and having a lady that looked far too much like Rita Skeeter for comfort try to discuss it with him wasn’t helping. Particularly with the other guest’s looking on, giggling, and whispering “He’s so cute when he blushes” when his back was turned.
Reason 5: Antics
The strip-club manager was much more tolerant than Charlie had expected. He’d taken almost an hour to kick them out, despite Fred and George getting onstage and doing a strip tease of their very own. Charlie sincerely hoped that he had managed to get drunk enough not to remember any of tonight’s events because he really hadn’t needed to see his little brothers dancing around naked.
At least Percy had kept his head and cast a concealing charm over the pair before they could do much dancing. Though they totally deserved the curse one of strippers had aimed at them.
Reason 6: Blushing
Harry was never going to be able to stop blushing he was sure of it. He’d been embarrassed at the beginning of this shindig but that was nothing compared to what was going on now. The Rita Skeeter look-a-like was now demonstrating the use of her toys, including some he’d never heard of, much less considered using.
He was an open-minded guy but they had left his comfort zone hours ago and weren’t showing any sign of stopping. Enough was enough, now he just had to figure out how to get away from the party without spontaneously combusting from embarrassment.
Reason 7: Sneaking
Charlie had thought his days of sneaking in and out of the Burrow were over when he’d left home. He should have known better than to think he’d never have to do it again. After all he was a Weasley no matter how far away he moved.
At least he had a good reason for sneaking in this time, his fiancé. Harry did not sleep well when he was on his own at the best of times and Charlie didn’t want to force Harry to spend the night before their wedding in sleepless anticipation when he could do something to stop it.
Reason 8: Nightmares
Harry loved nothing more than being cuddled up to his furnace of a lover. When he was curled against Charlie’s chest with Charlie’s heart thumping its life-giving rhythm beneath his ear he was able to sleep without nightmares. He wasn’t looking forward to the nightmares he’d be forced to endure if he slept while alone tonight so he wasn’t planning on sleeping.
At least he wasn’t until he heard someone scratching at the bedroom’s door. He’d picked Charlie’s old room because it was out of the way and there was no reason for him to have visitors until the morning.
Reason 9:Hiding
Charlie waited impatiently for Harry to open the door. His old room might be set as far apart from the rest of the family’s rooms as he could get it but that didn’t mean much in the Burrow.
He wasn’t laying bets on how long it would take for his mom to notice where his hand on the family clock had landed and come to throw him out. Still all the trouble was worth it to see Harry’s face light up at the sight of his standing in the doorway. Not that he remained standing in the door for long.
Reason 10: Nerves
Harry watched Charlie’s face as they lay curled together under the covers of Charlie’s old bed. It had been obvious that Charlie wanted to stay awake until Harry himself fell asleep but whatever he’d done at the bachelor party had caught up with him and dragged him down into sleep.
Still Charlie’s presence was enough to calm his nerves and make him sleepy. He was sure that as soon as he could make himself look away from Charlie’s peaceful face he’d be asleep. For now though he was content to watch Charlie and daydream about the life they’d have together.
Reason 11: Exhaustion
Charlie vaguely felt Harry moving around on his chest and knew he should try to comfort him. Not to mention calm him down because there was only three hours left before they had to get ready for the wedding. Unfortunately knowing wasn’t doing. Despite his resolution to wake up and comfort Harry his body was too exhausted to follow his wishes.
Between his brothers’ antics and the whiskey he’d imbibed during his attempt to ignore their antics he doubted he would be able to get up before he’d had a few hours of sleep and a couple cups of coffee.
Reason 12: Disasters
It had taken him a few hours but he’d finally fallen asleep. At least he hoped he was asleep because if the Fred and George actually managed to turn the Weasley family into purple hippopotamuses the Weasley’s would be down two sons and he was going to serve hippopotamus steaks at the wedding.
Having purple hippopotamuses dancing the conga down the aisle had just become one of the things he didn’t want happening at the wedding. In fact it now outranked a Death Eater attack and the appearance of Dumbledore and Snape’s reanimated corpses as the worst possible wedding disaster.
Reason 13: Discovery
Charlie had to say he was impressed he’d figured it would take him multiple cups of coffee to wake up after the amount of whiskey he’d drunk at his bachelor party but his mothers shriek worked just as well if not better. Though the jet of cold water she spelled onto him might be to blame for his early-morning sobriety.
He’d expected her to be upset upon discovering that he’d broken her edict to stay away from Harry, he’d have to be an idiot not to, but this was a bit extreme. At least their antics were making Harry giggle.
Reason 14: Monsters
Harry had never really gotten the whole Monster-in-law comments that so many of his married friends made. After all, he considered Mrs. Weasley as a second mother so he didn’t see how that much tension was possible between family members. His lack of belief was now laid to rest.
Mrs. Weasley had been turned into a raving Wedding Monster from the netherworld and anyone who got in here path had no choice but to duck and cover or suffer a fate as bad as Charlie’s. Unfortunately as the bride-to-be he didn’t have a chance of staying out of her path.
Reason 15: Brothers
He was going to kill his brothers if they kept this up. Well, he’d kill most of his brothers anyway. Bill and Percy had the sense God gave an Earthworm and were staying out of his way. Though that might have something to do with their respective significant others and the horror’s Charlie could still remember from the day of Bill’s wedding.
At least he was lucky enough to have a “bride” who wasn’t as obsessed with wedding plans because rough dragon-trainer that he was he didn’t think he’d stand a chance of surviving one
Wedding Monster much less two.
Reason 16: Facials
Harry face burned. Whatever face mask they’d put on him had to be likened in evilness to the Cruciatis. In fact he thought it might actually be worse. As if that wasn’t enough Ginny and Hermione were now whispering and giggling together as they tried to decide which makeup (aka colored mud) they should rub into his poor abraded skin. Of course neither of them had been willing to listen to his suggestion that they just leave his face as it was.
They seemed to think that he should be turned into a flawless-faced and perfect-bodied bride for the wedding.
Reason 17: Tradition
Charlie wasn’t one to act on tradition. If he had been he’d have taken a job at the ministry instead of running off to Romania and training dragons. Luckily, his family wasn’t big on traditions either. Unfortunately, that luck ran out when it came to weddings.
If his father’s uncomfortable shifting was anything to go by Mom had ordered him to come to the hotel the boys were staying at and give him the speech about how to treat his wife properly. He knew how this was going to go since he’d been the one console Bill after his “talk”.
Reason 18: Corsets
As if the sandpaper mask wasn’t bad enough Mrs. Weasley, Hermione, and Ginny had now forced him into some sort of silk covered torture-device that necessitated a lot of tugging upon laces and the contraction of his diaphragm. They’d managed to leave just enough air in his lungs to keep him from fainting but if their cursing was anything to go by that was about to change.
His questions about why he was being forced to endure this rather awkward torture had been answered with an uncomfortable silence and some mutterings about chemises that hadn’t made him feel any better.
Reason 19: Talk
The dreaded talk was just as bad as Bill had made it out to be, if not worse. Though that could have had something to do with the fact that his father was used to giving an altered for of the Bird’s and the Bee’s talk rather than something that applied to the marriage of two men.
Either way it is not a conversation he wants remember and he sincerely hopes his kid brothers get married so that he can embarrass them with comments about “the talk”. It would be the perfect revenge for the trouble they had caused him.
Reason 20: Busybody
Hary didn’t get why Mrs. Weasley, Ginny, and Hermione were acting like such busybodies. Sure, they were about to become his relatives but that didn’t give them an automatic right to pry into his personal life and it certainly didn’t give them the right to know about every aspect of his sex-life.
No matter what Mrs. Weasley said about keeping his man he didn’t think he and Charlie needed help with their sex-life. After all, they’d been together sexually for over three years without getting bored. There was no reason for a ceremony and wedding license to change that fact.
Reason 21: Bowtie
Charlie hated ties on principle and bow –ties were even worse. They were always trying to strangle him and when they weren’t they were coming untied. Luckily he didn’t usually have to wear them. Unluckily mom had managed to win the battle and get her wish to have a traditional service, one which necessitated the use of tuxedoes and bowties.
Charlie still hadn’t managed to figure out whether she just wanted everything to be perfect or she was living in denial about the fact that as two gay men there was absolutely no way that their marriage could be traditional.
Reason 22: Dress
When Charlie had first broached his theory about how Mrs. Weasley was living in denial of the fact that they were two men getting married he’d brushed it off as one of Charlie’s crazy and half-baked ideas. The sight of the dress Mrs. Weasley was holding up was quickly changing his mind.
Wanting a traditional and fairytale perfect wedding was one thing but forcing him to cross-dress was quite another. Unfortunately, none of his helpers was inclined to listen to his vehement arguments and he soon found himself decked out in full bridal regalia and resembling a living white cupcake.
Reason 23: Family
Charlie loved his family but there were limits to his patience and that limit was his extended family. All told, the Weasley clan was made up of over a hundred people, all of whom had come out of the woodwork to celebrate this most joyous of occasions or so they said. Charlie was more inclind to believing that they had come to witness the spectacle of one of their family members marrying the most famous person in the wizarding world.
After all, most of them hadn’t bothered to come to Bill’s wedding and he was the heir of the family.
Reason 24: Guests
When the guest list had reached one hundred Harry had been disturbed, when it had reached two hundred he’d been horrified, and when it had reached three hundred he apparently hadn’t been informed. In fact he was pretty sure he hadn’t been informed when the guest list reached four and five hundred either. He knew for a fact that the church Mrs. Weasley had insisted upon the ceremony being held at was able to hold almost six hundred people and every seat was taken.
Obviously, Mrs. Weasley’s inner Wedding Monster had waylaid the plans for a small and intimate service.
Reason 25: Church
Charlie was miffed. He didn’t want to say angry because he tried not to get angry with his family. Despite that they were pushing the boundaries of his patience. He’d stopped attending the wizarding church or following its edicts years ago and the fact that his mother and father had decided to use his own wedding to force him back into it was disappointing as well as disturbing, particularly given what the church’s regular stance on homosexuality was.
They were only allowing his and Harry’s wedding because they couldn’t refuse to marry the great Harry Potter without facing severe concequences.
Reason 26: Flowers
The entire church reeked of roses and the sent kept forcing Harry to sneeze. He’d told Mrs. Weasley time and again that he was allergic to roses but the church was still filled to overflowing with them. Luckily, Hermione at least had the good sense to sneak him an anti-allergy potion, otherwise he’d be passing out any minute.
All he’d wanted were Lilies and Snapdragons but no those flowers just wouldn’t do for a wedding. Instead, he had the privilege of getting married in a church filled with flowers he hated and drinking allergy potions to survive his own wedding.
Reason 27: Pomp
Charlie was a casual kind of guy. He’d never been much for pomp and circumstance and the life he led caring for dragons hadn’t changed that fact, if anything it had made him less likely to put up with ostentatious behavior. Dragon Haven was constantly underfunded and the dragon-tamers who worked there quickly learned to do without and only do what was necessary.
This extravagant wedding most definitely wasn’t necessary. When his Mom had offered to plan the wedding he hadn’t objected to Harry offering her full access to his vault to pay for the wedding. He obviously should have.
Reason 28: Circumstance
Harry was hiding. Though he had chosen to calling it a tactically retreat worthy of a Slytherin. When he’d heard Mrs. Weasley threatening to make the bridal party rehearse the procession for a second time after their twin-induced disaster of a rehearsal dinner he’d immediately planned a safe hiding place.
He should probably feel guilty for hiding out in the Church’s confessional booth but he didn’t. After all he didn’t believe in the wizarding faith and even if he did he wasn’t one to stand on pomp and circumstance much less adhere to the wizarding world’s rather archaic religious traditions.
Reason 29: Groomsmen
If there was one thing to be said about having his brothers for groomsmen it was that he didn’t have to feel guilty for blackmailing them into behaving and he could threaten them with his mom’s wrath and have it mean something.
Unfortunately, at their age most of his brothers had become at least semi-immune to both blackmail and their mother’s wrath, particularly the twins. That meant that he was going to have to put up with their antics until the ceremony itself. The good news was that his dad’s presence would keep the antics to at least semi-tasteful levels.
Reason 30: Bridesmaids
Harry wanted to apologize to his bridesmaids for the hideous appearal they were all decked out in but since he’d never seen the pink lace-bedecked monstrosities before in his life he wasn’t quite sure how to do so. Particularly when Hermione and Ginny, who had picked the offending garments out, were among the bridesmaid’s ranks.
Though given the looks Fleur was leveling at the pair of them the other bridesmaids probably knew where to place the blame. The only one unaffected by the situation was Luna who had used her skirt to prop up her ever-present copy of the Quibbler.
Reason 31: Ceremony
Charlie had to admit that despite his dislike of almost every aspect of the wedding, including the attire and location, the ceremony itself was beautiful. The fairy lights that had been used to light the great expanse of the sanctuary gave everything an ethereal light the muted the over-the-top nature of the entire event.
In fact, he was able to block everything out except for Harry’s gorgeous face and the Gaelic vows and softly intoned spells that bound his life forever to Harry’s. As they stood together at the altar all thoughts about the disaster this wedding had become disappeared.
Reason 32: Kiss
They’d done it they’d managed to survive the wedding and become husband and husband(even if the stupid church insisted on calling him a wife). The vows and ceremony were finally over and now the one part of the wedding he’d been anticipating and planning for had arrived. He’d show these stuffy religious snobs just how much of a wife he was.
As soon as the priest said “the bride” he sprung into action, sweeping Charlie’s feet out from under him with one slippered foot and bending him back into a dramatic and tongue-filled kiss. He could hear the priest cringing.
Reason 33: Line
It seemed like half the people who had attended the wedding had decided to take part in the receiving line much to Charlie’s displeasure. It would take them over an hour to shake hands with the members of the Weasley clan alone much less the extra two hundred people. As if that wasn’t enough every old biddy he’d run into since Harry’s over the top kiss had felt the need to express their displeasure at his and Harry’s irreverence.
Something he would have normally found amusing except for the fact that their speeches were holding up the line even further.
Reason 34: Pictures
Harry hated having his picture taken, which meant that posing for the hundred or more pictures the wedding photographer seemed to feel were necessary was his personal hell. At least Charlie was there to suffer with him and once this was finally they were home free or so he kept telling himself so that he wouldn’t give into the instinctual need to run.
Of course, once the paparazzi showed up with Rita Skeeter in tow he stopped trying to keep from running and took off for the reception as fast as he could in his uncomfortable if trendy dress-slippers allowed.
Reason 35: Reception
If anything the reception was even worse than the wedding ceremony itself. Most of his friend’s had needed to return to the dragon haven right after the wedding itself since June was hatching time. That meant that he was completely at the mercy of his family and Harry’s school friends almost all of whom were obsessed with watching him for the slightest clue that he was unworthy of Harry so that they could steal him away.
It was nerve-racking and his only conciliation was that Harry didn’t realize what they were doing. He just thought his schoolmates were being friendly.
Reason 36: Cake
Harry couldn’t stop staring at the pink and blue monstrosity that was posing as his wedding cake. He knew for a fact it wasn’t the cake he and Charlie had picked out and he couldn’t figure out what he was supposed to do with it. Traditional dictated that he was to smash some of the cake Charlie’s face but since neither he or Charlie liked red velvet cake he didn’t see the point.
Why should they eat something they didn’t like for other’s amusement? That question was answered when one of the twins “accidently” pushed into the cake face first.
Reason 37: Toss
It was time for the dreaded Garter toss and Charlie still hadn’t figured out what to do. He knew one of his brothers, most likely the twins, was going to attempt to sneak a peek up Harry’s skirts while he removed the offending piece of lace and ribbon and he didn’t want that.
Luckily Harry seemed to be as on the ball as ever and when he went to remove Harry’s garter he found it dangling around Harry’s ankle and an amused twinkle in Harry’s eyes. The look on Ron and Hermione’s faces when Ron caught the garter was priceless.
Reason 38: Dance
If a Weasley stepped on Harry’s toes one more time he was going to go on a rampage. He’d been dancing with Weasleys of every conceivable size and shape for the last hour and except for his first dance with Charlie and his second with Mr. Weasley they’d all been horrible.
Though his dance with Charlie’s Great Aunt had to have been the worst. Still his plan was working he’d almost managed to dance to the edge of the dance-floor and soon he’d be able to sneak out with Charlie and head to the hotel room the twin’s had rented.
Reason 39: Jokes
Charlie stared in slack-jawed shock at the room. He didn’t know how the twins had managed to find a place as gaudily overdone as this but he had to admit he should have expected a trick like this from them. The gaudy heart-covered décor must have appealed to the twin’s sense of humor.
He’d be pissed at them but the large heart shaped bed was singing a siren song to his exhausted body and he couldn’t bring himself to care. He should probably show Harry how happy he was that they were finally married but he was just too tired.
Reason 40: Night
Usually he’d be jumping Charlie but he was to tired. He’d always wondered why stories about the wedding night were so overblown but now he knew. Everyone was too exhausted to do anything on their wedding night but sleep and didn’t want to admit it.
Still, as long as the room had a comfortable bed and wasn’t inhabited by any of his new family members he didn’t care. Today had been the happiest day of his life but it was also the most horror-filled.
One thing was certain though, if Charlie ever wanted to renew their vows they were eloping.